yo, dewds. if you haven't noticed...

My blog now plays music at my request!
If you *reallly* feel like pausing it or something, just scrollll down to the bottom of my page and there you have it. My playlist. If you really are interested in the music I listen to, go ahead, look through it.
Have fun, weirdos.






And now, for my latest poem.
VVVVVVV
most conceited poem ever
June 19


if you can't pull the blade
i you can't jump the edge

i am life.

if you can swipe the blade
if you can twist the rope

i am death.

if you feel darkness closing in
if your light at the end of the tunnel is fading

i am your flashlight.

if you can't see the world for what it is
if you are incapable of seeing the truth

i am your exposing paparrazi.

if you feel the world is cruel
if you feel the world is cold

i am your warm embrace.

if your standing-ground has caved
if your ceiling has collapsed

i am your katrina vollunteer.

if you look in the mirror and see ugly
if your passing glance says fat

i am anorexia.

if you look in the mirror and see gorgeous
if your passing glance says perfect

i am conceit.

if you don't know who to turn to
if you can't find an uncomfortable enough couch

i am your all-knowing psychiatrist.

if your sun has been blot out
if your night-sky scene is void

i am the stars in your eyes.

if you feel burnt-out
if you feel like you can't go on

i am the fire under you

if you think you can never love again
if you feel you can't go on

i am cupid's arrow.

if you can't stuck in buckles
if your straight-jacket is too tight

i am your padded walls.

if you're deaf to pleading voices
if you've shut out all noise

i am the whisper in eating your ear.

if you can't follow the right path
if you won't follow the right path

i am the angel on your shoulder.

if you're some goody two-shoes
if you can't take a risk

i am the devil on your shoulder.

if your senses are inconclusive
if your nerve-endings give wrong answers

i am your seeing-eye-dog.

if you're waiting for a burst of creativity
if you can't come up with what's next

i am the blinding flash.

if you can't find your beloved "god"
if your savior has gone missing

i am your own personal blasphemist.

if you need some guidance
if you need some love

i am your big sister.

if you have faith.
if you believe.

i am your christian.


if you can't see it.
if you need proof.

i am your atheist.

if you have your suspisions
if you still know something's there, though

i am your inconcusive teenager.

if you're a liar
if you're a fire

i am your childish chant.

if you're starting to dissappear
if you can feel yourself fading away

i am your has-been life.

if you've seen the sky
if you've see the earth

i am everything.


if you have faith in me
if you don't have faith in me

it doesn't matter. no matter what,
I AM GOD.

Newest poem

"ready for wrong"
June 19


a pair of eyes
gleaming in the dark

ready to strike

a pair of hands
set in formation

ready to pray

a heart
intwined around another

ready for love

society as we know it
failing to provide

ready to fall

drug dealers
on street corners

ready to sell out

jesus freaks
in front of mosques

ready to infringe

meddling parents
snooping in what's not their business

ready to ruin

friends arguing
about dumb things that shouldn't matter

ready to make up

uninvolved people
trying to get in your situations

ready to get punched in the face

people who jump to conclusions
not getting the facts straight

ready to make matters worse

a hand
laced through another

ready to never let go

my mind
rushing, racing, swirling, pumping

ready to forget

our minds
dancing, twisting, spinning, whirling

ready to begin anew.

I've been tagged!

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning of the post. Each player answers the questions about themselves in their post. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1. What was I doing ten years ago?
Well, I kind of only like 4 (almost 5) years old. So prolly picking my nose and eating it or watching power rangers.


2. What are five things on my list to do today?
Well, may day is pretty much over as of now.
so...
1)stay up late
2)watch tv
3)mess aroung on the computer
4)prolly edit some pics or something
5)sleep


3. Snacks I enjoy?
The tears of poor Ethiopian childran and the souls of orphaned children.


4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?
I'd open a savings account, lyk duh.
Then I'd buy a car.
Then I'd buy a house with a garage to put my car in.
Then I'd buy your children.


5. Three of my bad habits?
Being negative.
Being moody.
Being a.d.d.


6. Five places I have lived?
Huntsville, AL.
Hermitage, TN.
Old Hickory, TN.
Mt. Juliet, TN.
and....ONE SHORT! DANGIT!


7. Five jobs I’ve had?
none?


8. How did you name your blog?
That's what I called myself for the longest time. Lyk duh.


Now for the tagging:
1)DAD!
2)Rach!
...um...I'm not supposed to read anybody elses' blog.
Ha.

AUGH!

So we got home from a week at Orange Beach yesterday...to a buglarized house!
I'll save the Orange Beach stories for another blog, but for now- THE ROBBERY!

My brother and I pulled into the driveway (we went in seperate cars because there were so many of us) and the garage door was open. Dylan was like, "Oh, don't even tell me...". There was something on the floor of the garage and I got out of the car to get it. So I went and picked up, whaddaya know, a silver platter.

We walked inside to the kitchen to find almost every cabinet open, really nothing missing. 'Cept they ate some of our ice cream.
We turn into the dining room- only a few china plates gone. No, not the whole set, just some plates. Some of our silver is gone, but not all of it. There was also something that wasn't even there before- a knife. A very sharp, scary, stabba-stabba knife. Yeah.
We turn into the living room- our big ol' flatscreen tv is gone, wires hanging every which-way. But not our amazing surround sound system.
Went into dad's office- no civil war rifles and sabres (hint hint)or coin collection or computer to be found anywhere. But the nice flatscreen monitor is still there.
Go into our keeping room- Big tv still there. It's nice. You wouldn't know that it's broken if you looked at it. (hint hint) Computer gone. Flatscreen monitor still there.
Dad's room- Guitar gone. Nice antique trunk gone. Bedspread gone. (obviously to carry stuff in.)All his jewelry gone. Yes, class ring and all.
Dad's closet- Every bag rifled through. None taken. (I think they must've been looking for something.) Only thing gone from his closet is one suade sports jacket. Out of allll his nice jackets and whatnot, they take a sports jacket. O_o?
Adjacent closet- Light not even on. Desk not touched. Not a single storage box opened.
Dad's bathroom- No lights on. Nothing gone.
My room- Comforter gone. Psp gone. Tv still there. But only one set of drawers gone through. One drawer broken. Crap all across my room. Even if they did take something, I would never know. I'm thinking they got through one drawer and figured I just had crap. (Little did they know, I have a fabulous light-brite set they could've taken! MWA-HA-HA-HAAA!)
Dylan's room- Both tvs still there. Recliner flipped. My futon (he still hasn't given that thing back) cushion flipped. Computer taken, crappy monitor still there. But they wouldn't know it was crappy unless...(hint hint)I don't remember what else was gone from his room.
Anna and Katie's room- Sock drawer gone through. Polly pocket dumped on floor. But they didn't even go into the big storage room at the back of their closet. How did they know we don't have anything besides like Christmas stuff in there? (hint hint) Tv still there.


Kay, so they had to be looking for something, right? Why else would they search every bag in my dad's closet, or a polly pocket bag?
And they MUST have known us.
How did they know our keeping room tv was broken?
How did they know our heirlooms were valuable?
They only took a few obviously valuable things, and lots of things that were'nt quite so obvious.
How did they know?
And my dad is gone on business trips all the time, why did they pick now when all of us were gone? Was it someone who only heard that we were gone from school?
Hmm.




BTW- Know anyone with a red Dodge Durango?

Latest poem!

"old couple."
May 26

cracked lips whisper gentle harmonies
that intertwine around the melodies of love

hoarse throats croak out sweet nothings
that are really sweet somethings

rough, wrinkled skin rubs against
soft, wrinkled bedsheets

"i always said we'd grow old together"
"you never said anything about dying"

old, puffy eyes meet
and share the same emotion

"well, i think we can live forever"
"i don't want to unless i'm in your arms"

arthritis-ridden fingers meet
and wind tight around each other

we sigh our last breath
singing loves songs to each other

and we become shadows
as our bodies become nothing

or maybe somethings.

K, so

I broke up with what's-his-name.
And I dun wanna explain it.

AND I have a new bf.

He's nice, and whoever said that you should wait after a relationship to get back in the fast lane is crazy. At least when used in reference to teenagers.

We've only been going out for like 2 days, but already I'm much happier.
Like, I hung out with him all day yesterday, and it was probably one of the best days EVARSS.
Mkayy?

Oh, yeah.
And we look like siblings.

See?
And he's only like a couple inches taller than me. X]
But it's ok, we're cute.


That's all, folks.

GORGEOUS TINY CHICKEN MACHINE SHOW EPISODES 2-9!

Eck. This is long. Deal with it.

So I've actually had a few things going on lately, though I don't really know how to put them in order.
Maybe I'll just number them. That should help a little, I suppose.
But it probably won't be all that chronilogical. Oh, well.

1) I recently went through a little spot of trouble with my boyfriend. (And, yes, it is almost 4 months. Thanks for asking.)
Well, you guys know about his crazy-ace mom, right? I thought she was over me, but apparently not. That dirty fish.

So I'm at one of my bff, Courtney's, birthday party that Timmy's supposed to come to. And he was even going to come hang out at proviDANCE (local outdoor mall hangout place. It's just providance, but we emphasize the DANCE part.) afterwards. Well, Mrs. Ice Queen decides all of a sudden that she doesn't want Timmy to be around me and he's all frustrated and whatnot. (Keep in mind, that we were speaking over text, here.) And so he's like, "I just can't take it anymore. I don't want to deal with it." So I say, "So, what, you're breaking up with me?" And he's all, "Well, I dunno. I don't want to, but I just can't take it." And that goes on for a while until he like "officially" breaks up with me. Over text.

So then I was just like, "Whatever. I'm going to enjoy this party while I can." (And cry later.)

Then, a couple of hours later, while I'm still at the party- he texts me again. And he's like, "Oh my god. I made a terrible mistake." And I just reply, no joke, "No sh**, sherlock." And that's all I said. I was PO'd. Very.

Well, I called him that night so we could figure things out because he didn't want to break up with me and we both still liked each other and whatnot. (It was pretty much his mom's fault, is what I'm getting at.) And he's basically sobbing on the other end of the phone. It was terrible. (Yet, strangely flattering in a way. I've never had anyone cry over me before, especially a boy. Ya know?) And he had asked me to take him back, but I just didn't think I could, or had the strength to in the first place.

So the next day we were both a little more stable and pulled-together.(Being as both of us were sobbing and on the end of our hairs the day before.) And we spent the day pretty much discussing about how we both still really liked (still do, obviously) each other and how we'd decided that we'd get back together later and so on. Like, in my one poem, "Give Up Your Compromises", the quotes were taken straight from one of our conversations. Well, except for the first one. I made that up.

But anyways...
Like we had decided to go out when 1)he learned to treat me a little better (because he was already like being rude and ignoring me and never EVER calling or doing anything first. Not that I have a problem with calling or texting or asking to go somewhere first, but you want a guy to show interest every once and a while, ya know?) and 2)I had healed. Because he had hurt me so bad all in one day, on top of him already beginning to hurt me.

But then that night I just couldn't take it anymore and I took him back. Yes, I know, it was a bit soon, but whatever. I don't care. I realized that it is the absolute worst feeling in the world to have the person you care about the most saying they love you and saying they're stupid and saying they've made the biggest mistake of their life adn sobbing on the other end of the phone because you don't want them.

Not that I didn't want him. I just...couldn't, I guess.

But once I did, I realized how much I really do love the kid.
And I was happy.




2) I've realized that I'm becoming quite the little artisan. I've always sung, and I'm moving up on the choir heirarchy scale at my school. I've been working on my poetry a lot, like I used to write a lot and now I've begun again. I've once again picked up my old mandolin and begun writing songs- tablature and lyrics. I've been constantly taking pictures and editing them and whatnot. I've been drawing and experimenting with paints and other such art tools as well.


3) My grades aren't quite so bad, either. I have all core classes, too. So gimme a break, people. My school is on block schedule, which means that we only have four classes a day. I don't have any exploritories at all this semester. I don't have one class that really gives me a break. (Unless you count my english class, which is basically a joke.) I have english first, then phys. science, then world geo., then algebra 1b.
UGH.

My english teacher is probably one of my favorite teachers ever, though she is one of the worst teachers I've ever had. I tell her I lover her every day. X]
She's pretty cool.
You should see my progress report, it's hilarious. She gave the whole class the same grade on everything, except one test at the very bottom, which pretty much made our grade.
I have a 93.2 in there. That's an A.

My physical science teacher is pretty ok. He's not my fav. teacher, but he's alright. It is probably my favorite class, however.
OHMIGOD. My teacher, he's a coach if that tells you anything, says "k" WAY too much. Holy catballs it's so annoying. He says, "k" to everything. And then, when he picks something from the periodic table as an example, he always picks Potassium. ...Which the abbreviation just so happens to be "k".
I have a 78.6 in there. That's a C.

My World Geography teacher is a giant moron. He is possibly one of the biggest jackaces I have ever met in my entire life and I don't even want to talk about him.
I have a 91 in his class. That's a high B.

My Algebra 1B teacher is a cynical old woman. She's crazy. And evil. But she's funny...when she's not mad. But that's rare, because we have her at the end of the day and she's already at her wit's end by then. I actually have a couple friend/aquaintances in there now. YAYYYY! ...I guess. They aren't really my friends, so much as my bf's friends. But whatever. They still talk to me.
I have a 76.something in that class. That's a C.
But, hey, I look at it like this- when you average that with my grade from last nine weeks for the whole semester...that's like an 80!
AND I'm taking the Gateway tomorrow, which is 15% of my grade, so if I do good on that, it will bring my grade up. ANNND I have the end-of-course, which also 15% of my grade. So I have to good on that.


That's all I got for now.
Later, doods.

Latest poetry, dewds!

(Me and my boyfriend went through a bad spot.
Thus is the product-)

April 20
"Give up your comprimises"

"Give up your comprimises-
Give in to your promises"

head aching.

"Promise me"
"I promise"

stomach churning.

"You don't have to take me back"
"I don't even have the strength to begin with"

body trembling.

"I'll wait for you to learn"
"I'll wait for you to heal"

soft sobbing.

"It may take me a while"
"I can wait, if only for you"

heart pounding.

"Do you still love me?"
"I'll always love you."

black out.


(This one took FOREVER. It's in Latin and English. Maybe if you're extra nice I'll give you the translation. ;])

April 22
"Ex Abundantia Enim Cordis Os Liquitur."


Ad absurdum,


I may seem naïve,


But what they don't know is-


Alis valit propris.


Aut viam inveniam
aut faciam.


I am stronger than you think


And I know


Amor et melle et felle
est feandissmismus,


Sic vita est.


But I think love is


What God sent to


Liberate me ex infernuis.


Mala tempora currunt,


So we must take advantage
of the good times we do get.


To let the times of love and
joy pass you by is simply


Non possumus.


Sunt lacrimae rerum…


And love, I can admit,
may be one of them.


We are all


Nunquam minus solus
quam cum solus-


Servo permaneo
bouis provestri.


You alone,


Can tighten or loosen
love's grasp, and


Solus ipre…


Odi et amo.


I sit and wait for evil,


-and yet-


Non tiemblo mala.


Dies Irae


Has nothing on me.


I know what can
really hurt,


Hinc illae lacrimae.


Dum spiro spero


That one day,


While the world waits-


Uno flatu,


Surgam.


No one can stop us


And I shall be


Totus tuus-


Dulcussime, totam
tibi subdo me.


I know it was
meant to be


And now,


Noster nostril.


Audeamus-


We've got nothing
to lose.


The world won't know
what hit 'em.


Dulce periculum,


Finis vitae sed
non amoris.


We can take them,


If we go together.


Igne natura
renovator integra.


Non sum quails eram


-And we are not
such as we were-


For we are better,
stronger.


Para bellum,


Pro nunc nos pugna.


We must if we wish to stay
within each other's grasp.


There will be those
who try to stop us.


In fine,


Natura non contristatur-


For it knows


It is the strong who live.


Quod ut is est super


Quod nos fui lucror
nostrum pugna,


We will stand as one


And pity those around us


Quonium nos fuimus sulum alia.






quod iam ego vere teneo

quid amor est.



(I like seriously just wrote this one. It's hot off the press, baby. I dunno what my inspiration for this one was, really. As if I really know anything about love. Well, as I said in the last poem "To the absurd, I may seem naive. But what they don't know is- She flies with her own wings. Either I shall find a way or I shall make one. I am stonger than you think, and I know love is full of both honey and venom.")

April 28
"Love."

Love is a simple thing,
Yet still a complex webbing of twists and turns.

Love means more than the world,
Yet some would give it up because of complications.

Love is something you want to persevere for,
Yet some give in, like it means nothing.

Love is a peaceful pasture full of nothing but cows to moo at you whilst you go on merrily,
Yet love is a jungle full of geurillas that will attack you at every turn.

Love is an old, beautiful antiquity,
Yet love is also a new, alien technology that we've yet to figure out.

Love is something to be shared,
Yet something to be kept selfishly and cherished, for you may never see it again.

Love is rarely given nowadays,
Yet always taken.

Love has few synonyms that really mean the same thing,
Yet love has many inuendos or connotations attached that mean nothing to someone who really knows what love is.

Love can create much beatitude and cheerfullness,
Yet destroy someone's entire being.

Love can give much,
Yet take away more.

Love can brighten all and make everything clearer,
Yet love can obscure all your vision, making things nearly impossible to see or make sense.

Love can last a lifetime,
Yet... it can also hurt for a lifetime.

Love can make,
Yet it can break any relationship you have.

Love wants to be the basis of the whole world,
Yet, hate really is.

Love leads one down the path to enlightenment,
Yet can also lead one to dejection and despair.

Love is meant to be taken advantage of and adored,
Yet love is more commonly looked over and thrown away.

Love is easy to recognise,
Yet we always fool ourselves into masking it and think it's something else.

Love is something we all want,
Yet it we never want to give it, for fear of not having any in return.

Love is something I want, need,
Yet, I ask nothing of you.

Love is what I long for, dream about at night,
Yet I don't want it from anyone.

That is...
Anyone but you.

So do you really think you can change the world?

I proposed this question to myself a few days ago, and I've been pondering it for quite a while.

Will I?
Can I?

If so, how?
How could I possibly change the world?

Would it be long-term?
Or would I change the world we wake up to tomorrow?

Would it be indirect?
Or would it be me who does the direct changing?

Maybe the one breath that provides enough oxygen for a flower to bloom, that flower is picked and sent off to a small girl enduring chemo therapy and the simple courteous gesture of a stranger causes a tear to fall from her eye and gives her the strength to move on, to get through her pain. This small girl grows up to be a famous scientist who eventually finds the cure for cancer.

Maybe my words can be the source of inspiration for a sad cutter- Who, in turn, gives up their self-mutilation and goes on to be a great performer.

Maybe I'll go on to be the children's occupational therapist that I long to be, and I'll change some poor disabled child's life. I would go on changing more and more lives, possibly write a Pulitzer-Prize winning book on my accomplishments, become world famous for my life-changing actions and eventually win a Nobel Peace Prize.

Maybe I'll be an example for other people- That just because they're a mess on the inside, that doesn't mean that they can't take a stand and do what they so desire to do. That they don't have to hurt themselves for attention. That they can make as much of a difference in the world as you and I can. That they don't have to sit, watching the world pass them by. That they can be a universe-changing person, if only they set their minds to it.

The mind is a beautiful thing.
It doesn't matter how pretty or intelligent you are.
It doesn't matter what your education already is.
It doesn't matter how much you've already changed the world.

It just matters that you stand up and gain the education or intelligence or whatever it is that you need so that YOU can change the world.

If I can, then so can you.